Maybe It's More Than The Baby Blues

Postpartum depression is an intense and often overwhelming condition that can affect new mothers unexpectedly. The transition into motherhood is typically associated with joy and excitement, but for some mothers, it can bring unexpected feelings of sadness and anxiety. These feelings may emerge gradually or suddenly. I never experienced postpartum depression symptoms with my first baby, although I would definitely describe that transition into motherhood as challenging and difficult. So when I suddenly began experiencing unwelcome feelings of sadness and lack of luster for life about 4 weeks into my second postpartum journey, I was definitely caught off guard.

For those of us who have seemingly prepared themselves mentally and emotionally for the arrival of our children, or have already experienced the hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, and the pressure to meet societal expectations of motherhood, the onset of postpartum depression can be a surprise. Before having babies, I never really struggled with anxiety or depression. But after a difficult labor and post delivery complications with my first baby, followed by a pregnancy loss, I began experiencing anxiety and depression symptoms during my pregnancy.

The first trimester of my pregnancy following my miscarriage was particularly difficult. I was having full blown panic attacks for the first time in my life. I finally understood how debilitating anxiety can be and how it can strike at any time, for me often without an obvious cause. It wasn’t until my baby’s 4 week checkup at the pediatrician that a provider noted my screening was showing high risk for postpartum depression. I had been feeling very overwhelmed and more sad than usual, but I chalked it up to being “baby blues” and kept hoping to feel more like myself. Before this conversation, I didn’t even consider that the sadness I was feeling could be postpartum depression. I had instead been blaming myself for struggling with finding joy in the transition from 1 to 2 kids.

The experience of postpartum depression can leave women feeling confused, guilty, and isolated, as they struggle to understand why they are not experiencing the expected euphoria of motherhood. But it is so important to recognize that postpartum depression can take anyone by surprise and that seeking support and professional help is crucial for both the wellbeing of mom and baby.

I am grateful that someone spoke up for me when I couldn’t do it for myself. Now two months later, I am once again finding joy in the day to day. The idea of balancing going back to work and mothering my two girls gets easier every day. Being a mom of two is a wild transition, but I am learning how to show up and be present each day. Talking to a professional, asking for help, and the support of my partner, family and friends got me through those early days. I now know that those signs aren’t something to ignore, and that it’s ok to not be ok.

If you are struggling, please reach out for help. It is not worth doing it alone.